Chapter 1 Do not read before chap
Author's Note: this is just a parody of all the tropes that I experienced by reading all kind of book and novels. I do not mean to belittle them or their readers, is just a joke about the most abused tropes and cookie cutter scenes that recur very often, no matter the author.
Let me know in the comments if you liked it. I will either keep it in the auxiliary chapters or delete it, based on your response.
That morning the classroom was already filled to the brim. Several teachers of the academy were gathered there for no reason at all. Powerful mages always had too much free time at their disposal.
Suddenly, a youth walked in. He was handsome and unrestrained, exuding an aura of confidence that made evident him being a peerless genius. His presence became more overbearing with every step.
"Dear heavens! Who is that youth of unparalleled manliness?" The female students were of course top tier beauties, wearing long chi-paos that revealed ample part of their generous bosom and let them show their long jade like legs from the side slit.
Soon blood rushed to the face and the most private parts of the young and pure maidens, making them bloom like red roses.
The handsome youth was of course Lith, our protagonist. His black, silky hair moved with each stride, his smile was filled with nothing but unrestrained power. He knew that in that small world he was peerless beyond reason.
Dazzled by his appearance, the professors decided to test his wits, so see if such overbearing talent really belonged to a true genius.
"What do you think about the Dao of magic, young master?" Said an old man whose beard almost reached the floor.
"Such an easy question." Lith's boundless self-confidence filled the whole room with admired gasps. He was the kind of man that every woman wanted, and every man wanted to be.
"He who strikes first, strikes twice. Buy low, sell high." His reply made the male audience turn green with envy.
"So young yet so wise and knowledgeable about Taoism and philosophy! He truly understands the Dao! Heavens don't have eyes! Why him? He is just commoner trash! Why it couldn't be me?
I come from the [insert pompous name here] family. We have hundreds of years of artifacts and legacies, yet I am nothing compared to him!" Everyone thought.
The female audience, instead, had already fallen head over heels for him. All that they could think about was how to capture his manly heart and how many children of him they wanted to bear in their wombs.
But Lith hadn't finished yet.
"The cat is on the table. It's a quarter from nine."
Those simple words revealed a profound and unfathomable wisdom. Soon the professors realized that it would take them years to understand the truth about the Dao that was hidden behind those words.
At the same time, the female audience raised the baby count by one, some even by three. They were healthy young ladies, after all.
Soon the evil envious prince from the powerful Envy family couldn't take it anymore.
"You are courting death!" He bellowed.
He moved with unbelievable speed, arriving in front of Lith in the blink of an eye. He was the most nondescript character one could imagine. The only defining trait he had was a T-shirt saying: "Hi, I'm the bad guy."
"You trash, how dare you taint this sacred halls with your presence? Kowtow to me nine times and call me your grandpa, and I promise I will not kill you."
The professors gasped. They were all archmages, hundreds of years old. But what was their pride, the school honour, not to mention nonsense like the rules of the kingdom in front of that youth?
He was Prince Bad Guy from the Envy family, whose power they didn't dare to offend. So, like the archmages they were, they squealed some pathetic excuse and hid in the background.
"Poor Lith, he is destined to die. No one can offend the Envy family and live to tell the tale." They thought as one.
Lith was unaffected by both his words and t-shirt.
"You are just a side character, scram!" With a wave of his hand, Lith sent Bad Guy crashing into the wall, keeping him alive for no reason other than to gloat at his misfortune.
Bad Guy coughed a mouthful of blood, his bones were crushed, his internal organs bleeding, his dantian almost crippled, but his ego was stronger than ever.
"Uncle! Please save me! This b*stard dared to hit me! So despicable! Why did you refuse to die when I politely asked you to?"
Lith wanted to reply to such senseless words, but another nondescript character appeared. He was older than Bad Guy, and his t-shirt recited: "I'm the Uncle."
The professors were so scared by his appearance that they hid in the previous page of this very same chapter, trying to escape his fury.
"That's the legendary Bad Guy's Uncle! Now Lith is really done for! He refused a toast only to drink a defeat."
"Who dares to hurt my nephew? I'm Uncle [insert boring wannabe threatening speech here] from the Envy family. Cripple your dantian and cut your own arms, and maybe I will let you live as a dog."
"Such a compelling offer." Lith sneered.
"But you are a side character as well. I have no time to waste, scram and make the final boss appear!" Lith sneezed, and the power of that simple move broke down Uncle's body and will, sending him crashing in the wall right beside Bad Guy.
"Oh Patriarch! Please avenge us!" He said coughing a mouthful of blood before passing out.
"Who dares defying the Envy family?"
A heaven-defying bellow shook the whole academy, while Patriarch Final Boss descended from the sky.
"Oh God! It's Patriarch Final Boss from the Envy family! We are here by accident, we don't belong in this novel!" The professors left the pages of the novel, running for their lives.
His nondescript character's t-shirt saying: "I'm the Final Boss" was all the proof of identity anyone could ever need.
"I admit you have some talent, young MC. But it's time that this story goes back to its rightfully tracks! It belongs to my Envy family!"
Lith laughed coldly.
"Did you even bother reading the title? It's Supreme Magus, not The Envy Chronicles! Enough wasting pages, do your worst!"
"How dare you correct me when I am so wrong even a blind, deaf and dumb man would notice? Take this hit if you dare!"
Final Boss unsheathed the Black Phoenix Evil God Cyber Monday Sword, a peerless artifact that the Envy family had passed on through the generations.
The sword light was filled with boundless power and knowledge, sword intent could be clearly seen piercing time, space and even the Author's patience that was growing short with so many filler words in the same sentence.
The audience felt like Mount Tai was falling down from the sky, the pressure of that strike was unbearable even for the spectators. No one could possibly imagine what Lith was feeling under such killing intent.
It was pure and unrestrained boredom!
Lith didn't move from his spot, simply ripping open his robe, he revealed what was hidden inside.
The world class beauties, imagining him to be stark naked underneath, experienced non-stop nosebleed, to the point that the most delicate ones fainted on the spot.
The simple idea of his dancing chiselled pecs, big enough to play chess over them, and a six-ab pack hard enough to act as a washboard was too much for a young maiden's mind to take.
But Lith wasn't naked, on the contrary.
Under his robe, lied the strongest weapon of all creation.
"Oh my God!" Said a professor that had tripped in the webpage address, and hence was still there.
"Shiny as silver, light as silk but durable without equals!"
"No! It cannot be!" Even Final Boss, despite still performing his strike was able to catch a glimpse of the true nature of his opponent.
"That's right!" Lith laughed a handsome, overbearing, manly, peerless, genius laughter.
"It's the legendary plotinum armour, better known as plot armour!"
"Hi there! I'm the Author!" The armour said. "Now scram! I'm not gonna change the title of my work for a nondescript cookie cut character like you!"
"Nooooo!" When the sword and the Plot Armour collided, Final Boss disappeared from existence, and so did Bad Guy and Uncle.
And so Lith lived happily ever after, never knowing exactly how many members his harem reached, despite having an intimate knowledge of every and each one of them.